I Love You Forever.

After what had happened yesterday, afi sedar yang selama ni, afi tak pernah percaya and terima the fact that she's gone. Gone forever. Walaupun mulut asik cakap and tangan asik tulis feeyah dah takde and address her with arwah feeyah tapi yang sebenarnya minda and fikiran afi tak terima and digest fakta tu.

Sepanjang kitorang kawan afi tak pernah cakap afi sayang feeyah. I'm not a kind of person yang suka express feelings melalui percakapan. now I realize that I'm truly a pain in ass. Tapi feeyah slalu cakap dia sayang afi, and slalu tulis words yang kekadang afi fikir dia patut bagi kat acap. That's the way she treasures me as her friend and that makes me love her so much.

Feeyah sangat suka tulis and buat scrapbooks she'll write every single thing that happen in her life. lagilagi benda yang dia sayang. siap tampal gambar banyakbanyak. Pernah skali, afi cuba nasib berani mati curicuri bukak scrapbook beliau, tapi malang tak berbau feeyah nampak and terjadila scene aku kejar kau kau kejar aku. and feeyah denda afi belikan dia coklat cadbury 2 hari. nasib baik 2 hari je kalau tak, pokai la saya. waktu tu sangat miskin duit belanja cukupcukup ntuk support duit makan waktu rehat je sebab da banyak habiskan duit beli dvd.

tapi semalam, acap tunjuk kat afi buku yang feeyah sayang macam dia sayang nyawa sendiri, agak teruja nak baca isi kandungan buku tu tapi once da baca, air mata yang gedik ni asik mengalir tak hentihenti I never know she appreciates me that much.. semua benda yang dia tulis pasal afi wat afi rasa bersalah sebab afi tak pernah cakap yang afi sayang feeyah. I just hope that she understands my "alien language", and my "alien words" which means that I love her so much "human language" cant tell.

Feeyah also wrote this in that book,

"I am looking forward to see ~~his~~ her boyfriend, in next decade maybe,

I'll make sure he wont break her heart or I break his face, god that's just lame. I'll ask him to propose her in most romantic proposal so that she will be the happiest bride in the world, or at least in Malaysia"

Feeyah, U make me the happiest person for writing this. I love u so much dear, FOREVER.

Comments

Saiko

I wonder what had gotten into me before when I used to fight so strong just to be in this course. Babah agak tak suka saya amek course ni. Babah cakap, "You'll have no life." and "Once you step in that field, its equal to learn throughout ur whole life". Tapi saya yang dulu tak kesah ngan semua benda yang babah cakap. As long as he still supports me walaupun selalu cakap keburukan amek medic, I keep my head held high. Tak pandang belakang dah. I made my decision and that's it. No turning back. Tapi sekarang saya jadi keliru. Can I do this? Am I fit enough to be a good doctor? Can I diagnose correctly? Can I treat the patient the way I'm taught? Can I be like my lecturers who are super awesome? Can I? Bimbang. Keliru. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Rasa macam tak layak. Tengok semorang dah progress but me? Still kat takuk yang lama. Even worse, dah turun beberapa anak tangga. I tried to talk to my close friends abut this. But no help at all....

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..It feels weird.

Perasaan pelik. Rasa happy but in the meantime rasa sedih waktu tengok gambar cousins aku yang berdua itu. We were so close when we were little girls tapi sekarang, masing masing dah ada hidup sendiri. Hala tuju sendiri. Semalam kak D kahwin. Gambar dah upload sikit kat facebook. Nak keluar air mata aku yang mentengok ni. Belum lagi mak long. Huish. Susah kan jadi mak? Jadi sila hargai ibu anda. Dan tadi jugak, sempat mengusha gambar kak S bertunang. Rasa macam ada rama rama dalam perut. Rasa macam nak jerit wah cantiknya kuat kuat and rasa cam nak cakap eee jelesnya. Motif? Heheh. So moral of the story is, semua dah besar panjang. Dah ada tanggungjawab masing masing. I hope everything about us won't change. How I wish adults don't have to create such barrier ya know. The barrier when they already have their own family and they seems to depart off from the big family. I hate that. Apa aku merepek ni? Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

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Aku dan Lipas.

I had terrible night last night. Siangnya pon agak terible jugakla. Dengan suara garau and muka yang hitam, kepala pusing plus temperature of 38.5 I could barely move. Bedridden. Weehu. And what make it worse? LIPAS. Had 2 scenes with lipas. First was, I found a freaking damn dead cockroach in my mihun tomyam. Imagine: I was like hungry to death and the cafe took like ages to deliver my food. Bila dah sampai I just dug in the food without doing the routine check. Suapan ke dua, I felt something strange about the tomyam. Rasa macam pelik. But keeps on eating cos LAPAR. On my 3rd suapan, I saw something weird floating on the spoon and as I took closer look, I screamed like it was no tomorrow. ADAKAH AKU TELAH MEMAKAN TOMYAM PERASA LIPAS? Omjayyyy!!! Called the cafe and explained the situation to a worker. Dengan pelat indon and bahasa melayu yang kurang mantapnya itu, she kept on asking whether I still kept the lipas I found in her tomyam. Seriously I feel like shouting at her on her f...

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