I Love You Forever.

After what had happened yesterday, afi sedar yang selama ni, afi tak pernah percaya and terima the fact that she's gone. Gone forever. Walaupun mulut asik cakap and tangan asik tulis feeyah dah takde and address her with arwah feeyah tapi yang sebenarnya minda and fikiran afi tak terima and digest fakta tu.

Sepanjang kitorang kawan afi tak pernah cakap afi sayang feeyah. I'm not a kind of person yang suka express feelings melalui percakapan. now I realize that I'm truly a pain in ass. Tapi feeyah slalu cakap dia sayang afi, and slalu tulis words yang kekadang afi fikir dia patut bagi kat acap. That's the way she treasures me as her friend and that makes me love her so much.

Feeyah sangat suka tulis and buat scrapbooks she'll write every single thing that happen in her life. lagilagi benda yang dia sayang. siap tampal gambar banyakbanyak. Pernah skali, afi cuba nasib berani mati curicuri bukak scrapbook beliau, tapi malang tak berbau feeyah nampak and terjadila scene aku kejar kau kau kejar aku. and feeyah denda afi belikan dia coklat cadbury 2 hari. nasib baik 2 hari je kalau tak, pokai la saya. waktu tu sangat miskin duit belanja cukupcukup ntuk support duit makan waktu rehat je sebab da banyak habiskan duit beli dvd.

tapi semalam, acap tunjuk kat afi buku yang feeyah sayang macam dia sayang nyawa sendiri, agak teruja nak baca isi kandungan buku tu tapi once da baca, air mata yang gedik ni asik mengalir tak hentihenti I never know she appreciates me that much.. semua benda yang dia tulis pasal afi wat afi rasa bersalah sebab afi tak pernah cakap yang afi sayang feeyah. I just hope that she understands my "alien language", and my "alien words" which means that I love her so much "human language" cant tell.

Feeyah also wrote this in that book,

"I am looking forward to see ~~his~~ her boyfriend, in next decade maybe,

I'll make sure he wont break her heart or I break his face, god that's just lame. I'll ask him to propose her in most romantic proposal so that she will be the happiest bride in the world, or at least in Malaysia"

Feeyah, U make me the happiest person for writing this. I love u so much dear, FOREVER.

Comments

aku memang gedik!

Woha. I'm home and gosh super duper happy! Happier than pegi ice skating iteww. Puhleassse, 'itew'? WTH. Pi masuk tadika balik. Eja itu pon tak reti ke afi woi? Wakaka. Tadi waktu melangut dalam kereta segala macam jawapan soalan exam tetiba dengan sukarelanya mengeluarkan diri dari tempat persembunyian di antara celahan otak saya ini. Isk. Gedik mengada. Kenapa baru sekarang kau keluar? Pegila menyorok lagi!! Arghh. But on the bright side, at least I know that I KNOW what I am suppose to KNOW. So telan jela. And you see while I was in the car, I signed in YM and guess what, terdapat seorang hamba Allah bernama M5 yang telah mencuba mengadd and menegur saya disitu. *sila maafkan ayat keling ini*. Our conversation went smooth pada permulaannya cos he acted like someone I know and we talked about something interesting which was good because I usually did that to confirm the person adding me is a real HUMAN before I added him to my YM list. But then he started to ...

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..It feels weird.

Perasaan pelik. Rasa happy but in the meantime rasa sedih waktu tengok gambar cousins aku yang berdua itu. We were so close when we were little girls tapi sekarang, masing masing dah ada hidup sendiri. Hala tuju sendiri. Semalam kak D kahwin. Gambar dah upload sikit kat facebook. Nak keluar air mata aku yang mentengok ni. Belum lagi mak long. Huish. Susah kan jadi mak? Jadi sila hargai ibu anda. Dan tadi jugak, sempat mengusha gambar kak S bertunang. Rasa macam ada rama rama dalam perut. Rasa macam nak jerit wah cantiknya kuat kuat and rasa cam nak cakap eee jelesnya. Motif? Heheh. So moral of the story is, semua dah besar panjang. Dah ada tanggungjawab masing masing. I hope everything about us won't change. How I wish adults don't have to create such barrier ya know. The barrier when they already have their own family and they seems to depart off from the big family. I hate that. Apa aku merepek ni? Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

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Saiko

I wonder what had gotten into me before when I used to fight so strong just to be in this course. Babah agak tak suka saya amek course ni. Babah cakap, "You'll have no life." and "Once you step in that field, its equal to learn throughout ur whole life". Tapi saya yang dulu tak kesah ngan semua benda yang babah cakap. As long as he still supports me walaupun selalu cakap keburukan amek medic, I keep my head held high. Tak pandang belakang dah. I made my decision and that's it. No turning back. Tapi sekarang saya jadi keliru. Can I do this? Am I fit enough to be a good doctor? Can I diagnose correctly? Can I treat the patient the way I'm taught? Can I be like my lecturers who are super awesome? Can I? Bimbang. Keliru. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Rasa macam tak layak. Tengok semorang dah progress but me? Still kat takuk yang lama. Even worse, dah turun beberapa anak tangga. I tried to talk to my close friends abut this. But no help at all....

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