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Rethink

I need to reschedule everything. EVERYTHING. This holiday isn't really holiday but a break where I need to change my mind set, change my bad habits and get back to my sense as a medical student. What I mean by get back to my sense is I need to rethink of the reasons why I choose medicine in the first place. I need to polish my dream and make it looks like its a brand new. I need to rethink of whats the priority in my life right now. Saya perlu cuba menerima kekurangan hidup sebagai med student dan cuba survive dengan kekurangan kekurangan itu. How do I survive? THINK. Thats why I need to THINK. Think and think and think sampai tertido. Wakaka. Wey wey ini entri sirius so, act serious.

Err. Need to revise the notes, but when do I start? 

With all the distractions (TV, katil yang normal, PS, katil lagi dan katil dan katil) how do I study? Public Library? Dah 10 tahun tak masuk library kat dungun ni. Library kat rumah? Man, barang penuh sangat yang amat teramat kat dalam itu. Mama dah packed barang barang dalam kotak and sort of susun semua lat library and there's no space left. Even nak jejak kaki pon susah kat dalam bilik apalagi setadi. *alasankah?*

Herr. I wish I have a tutor. Sape nak jadi tutor saya sila angkat tangan! (I don't think anyone will agree to tutor you afi, *gelak setan*)

Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

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Saiko

I wonder what had gotten into me before when I used to fight so strong just to be in this course. Babah agak tak suka saya amek course ni. Babah cakap, "You'll have no life." and "Once you step in that field, its equal to learn throughout ur whole life". Tapi saya yang dulu tak kesah ngan semua benda yang babah cakap. As long as he still supports me walaupun selalu cakap keburukan amek medic, I keep my head held high. Tak pandang belakang dah. I made my decision and that's it. No turning back. Tapi sekarang saya jadi keliru. Can I do this? Am I fit enough to be a good doctor? Can I diagnose correctly? Can I treat the patient the way I'm taught? Can I be like my lecturers who are super awesome? Can I? Bimbang. Keliru. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Rasa macam tak layak. Tengok semorang dah progress but me? Still kat takuk yang lama. Even worse, dah turun beberapa anak tangga.  I tried to talk to my close friends abut this. But no help at all....

..It feels weird.

Perasaan pelik. Rasa happy but in the meantime rasa sedih waktu tengok gambar cousins aku yang berdua itu. We were so close when we were little girls tapi sekarang, masing masing dah ada hidup sendiri. Hala tuju sendiri. Semalam kak D kahwin. Gambar dah upload sikit kat facebook. Nak keluar air mata aku yang mentengok ni. Belum lagi mak long. Huish. Susah kan jadi mak? Jadi sila hargai ibu anda. Dan tadi jugak, sempat mengusha gambar kak S bertunang. Rasa macam ada rama rama dalam perut. Rasa macam nak jerit wah cantiknya kuat kuat and rasa cam nak cakap eee jelesnya. Motif? Heheh. So moral of the story is, semua dah besar panjang. Dah ada tanggungjawab masing masing. I hope everything about us won't change. How I wish adults don't have to create such barrier ya know. The barrier when they already have their own family and they seems to depart off from the big family. I hate that. Apa aku merepek ni? Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

Aku dan Lipas.

I had terrible night last night. Siangnya pon agak terible jugakla. Dengan suara garau and muka yang hitam, kepala pusing plus temperature of 38.5 I could barely move. Bedridden. Weehu. And what make it worse? LIPAS. Had 2 scenes with lipas. First was, I found a freaking damn dead cockroach in my mihun tomyam. Imagine: I was like hungry to death and the cafe took like ages to deliver my food. Bila dah sampai I just dug in the food without doing the routine check. Suapan ke dua, I felt something strange about the tomyam. Rasa macam pelik. But keeps on eating cos LAPAR. On my 3rd suapan, I saw something weird floating on the spoon and as I took closer look, I screamed like it was no tomorrow. ADAKAH AKU TELAH MEMAKAN TOMYAM PERASA LIPAS? Omjayyyy!!! Called the cafe and explained the situation to a worker. Dengan pelat indon and bahasa melayu yang kurang mantapnya itu, she kept on asking whether I still kept the lipas I found in her tomyam. Seriously I feel like shouting at her on her f...