..My prayer and your prayers.

Alhamdullilah. I made it. We made it. Syukur ya Allah. :) Our batch is the first batch yang takde failures for this first pro exam. Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah. Waktu Prof Yong cakap yang the whole batch pass, semua orang menjerit, ada yang laung Allahuakbar, ada yang menangis teresak esak. Aku suka keadaan itu. Rasa kami waktu itu seolah olah bersatu. Tahniah untuk semua. :)

Waktu pro exam sedang berlangsung, I realize something, I never embrace medicine fully sepanjang 2 tahun pre-clinical years. Waktu duk exam tulah aku terfikir selama ni aku slalu cari keburukan course ni padahal lama dulu, this is what I want in my life. And Alhamdulillah again, now I found what I want and what I need in life.

Cuti 2 bulan ni, selain masak for elective, I need to revise and keep on practising the skills. I need to polish everything. I want to help people heal, not kill. Sobs.

Allah, please make me a best doctor, make us the best doctors from CUCMS. Ameen.

Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

Comments

aku memang gedik!

Woha. I'm home and gosh super duper happy! Happier than pegi ice skating iteww. Puhleassse, 'itew'? WTH. Pi masuk tadika balik. Eja itu pon tak reti ke afi woi? Wakaka. Tadi waktu melangut dalam kereta segala macam jawapan soalan exam tetiba dengan sukarelanya mengeluarkan diri dari tempat persembunyian di antara celahan otak saya ini. Isk. Gedik mengada. Kenapa baru sekarang kau keluar? Pegila menyorok lagi!! Arghh. But on the bright side, at least I know that I KNOW what I am suppose to KNOW. So telan jela. And you see while I was in the car, I signed in YM and guess what, terdapat seorang hamba Allah bernama M5 yang telah mencuba mengadd and menegur saya disitu. *sila maafkan ayat keling ini*. Our conversation went smooth pada permulaannya cos he acted like someone I know and we talked about something interesting which was good because I usually did that to confirm the person adding me is a real HUMAN before I added him to my YM list. But then he started to ...

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..It feels weird.

Perasaan pelik. Rasa happy but in the meantime rasa sedih waktu tengok gambar cousins aku yang berdua itu. We were so close when we were little girls tapi sekarang, masing masing dah ada hidup sendiri. Hala tuju sendiri. Semalam kak D kahwin. Gambar dah upload sikit kat facebook. Nak keluar air mata aku yang mentengok ni. Belum lagi mak long. Huish. Susah kan jadi mak? Jadi sila hargai ibu anda. Dan tadi jugak, sempat mengusha gambar kak S bertunang. Rasa macam ada rama rama dalam perut. Rasa macam nak jerit wah cantiknya kuat kuat and rasa cam nak cakap eee jelesnya. Motif? Heheh. So moral of the story is, semua dah besar panjang. Dah ada tanggungjawab masing masing. I hope everything about us won't change. How I wish adults don't have to create such barrier ya know. The barrier when they already have their own family and they seems to depart off from the big family. I hate that. Apa aku merepek ni? Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

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Saiko

I wonder what had gotten into me before when I used to fight so strong just to be in this course. Babah agak tak suka saya amek course ni. Babah cakap, "You'll have no life." and "Once you step in that field, its equal to learn throughout ur whole life". Tapi saya yang dulu tak kesah ngan semua benda yang babah cakap. As long as he still supports me walaupun selalu cakap keburukan amek medic, I keep my head held high. Tak pandang belakang dah. I made my decision and that's it. No turning back. Tapi sekarang saya jadi keliru. Can I do this? Am I fit enough to be a good doctor? Can I diagnose correctly? Can I treat the patient the way I'm taught? Can I be like my lecturers who are super awesome? Can I? Bimbang. Keliru. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Rasa macam tak layak. Tengok semorang dah progress but me? Still kat takuk yang lama. Even worse, dah turun beberapa anak tangga. I tried to talk to my close friends abut this. But no help at all....

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Past Tense

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