January 28, 2012

..holiday of my own

So I would just say I'm having holiday or vacation on my own. My roommate has not yet return to melaka so I have 3 days to be all alone, doing watever I pleased in the room. Plus the super awesome internet connection on weekend, what more do I need right? Its so nice yes it is. Except for I'm hearing things that I am not supposed to think I did hear it. err.

I am so used to be alone that I don't know what to do and how to react and what topic should I talk about to make it less uncomfortable when I am with someone I am not close to. Mama said I have to make a change. I can't be alone for the rest of my life. I need to open up. I need to be less rigid. I need to be less cold. I think I can change, but I do need time. But seriously am I rigid? Am I cold? If you think I'm not that means I consider you someone close.

Since I am getting older day by day, mama reminds me to start to think of myself in the future. From what I understand she sorta remind me to start thinking about that sweet but scary thing, relationship and marriage. Ohh. Now I know what it feels like to have your mom giving you that kinda advice. I got chills upon hearing words that slipped from her mouth.

I seriously cannot imagine myself being with someone. And what I fear most is, I don't want to lose that someone when he is already a part of me. That's just too .... scary .... and seems ..... unbearable. I've witnessed a lot of ups and downs in marriage and I don't think I'm ready to face it myself. For now, cukuplah sekadar memerhati.


  1. Hope someday you will find a man that will love u as much as your father do. Insya Allah. :)


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