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..the 4th year

We started our fourth year with registration. Of course. New sem means registration which also means college sedang mengepau duit students mahupun ibu bapa students. Payment should be done within a month katanya. Yes. Katanya. And this time around all of us gathered at main campus so we kind of managed to meet friends from different groups. Feels like years tak jumpa so bila dah berjumpa macam macam cerita terkeluar. Some stories were not so good to know, some were a must know and some were baik takpayah dengar atau nanti sakit jiwa. Hm.

First week was tiring as this brain of mine couldn't tolerate numbers that much. And the first week inilah segala biostatistical thingies were needed in order for us to do the proposal for our research. First week jugaklah kena baca journals and search for the literature reviews and stuffs. Man, I really don't favour reading journals. Sobs. Dah juling dah mata aku baca bendalah ni semua. Waktu waktu macam ni jugaklah bahan bacaan lain menggoda aku supaya membelai diorang. Haish. 


Currently I've been looking for this good book recommended by mama, How to be a Good Medical Student from Dr Muhaya. Dah 2 MPH aku pergi tapi tak jumpa. Hurr. Dah takde kat pasaran ke ape buku ni? 

Its been two years ady that Ramadhan waktu clinical years jatuh pada postings yang memerlukan kitorang siapkan research itu dan ini. Inilah yang dikatakan cabaran Ramadhan. Sobs. Cuma kali ni takdelah teruk sangat sebab kitorang tak perlu jalan keliling kampung untuk edarkan questionnaires. I thank you Allah for that. Tak sanggup dah. Sobs. 

And now I am contemplating on the place I should go for elective. Hurr. Sarawak? Indonesia? Thailand, eh? Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

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Saiko

I wonder what had gotten into me before when I used to fight so strong just to be in this course. Babah agak tak suka saya amek course ni. Babah cakap, "You'll have no life." and "Once you step in that field, its equal to learn throughout ur whole life". Tapi saya yang dulu tak kesah ngan semua benda yang babah cakap. As long as he still supports me walaupun selalu cakap keburukan amek medic, I keep my head held high. Tak pandang belakang dah. I made my decision and that's it. No turning back. Tapi sekarang saya jadi keliru. Can I do this? Am I fit enough to be a good doctor? Can I diagnose correctly? Can I treat the patient the way I'm taught? Can I be like my lecturers who are super awesome? Can I? Bimbang. Keliru. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Rasa macam tak layak. Tengok semorang dah progress but me? Still kat takuk yang lama. Even worse, dah turun beberapa anak tangga.  I tried to talk to my close friends abut this. But no help at all....

..It feels weird.

Perasaan pelik. Rasa happy but in the meantime rasa sedih waktu tengok gambar cousins aku yang berdua itu. We were so close when we were little girls tapi sekarang, masing masing dah ada hidup sendiri. Hala tuju sendiri. Semalam kak D kahwin. Gambar dah upload sikit kat facebook. Nak keluar air mata aku yang mentengok ni. Belum lagi mak long. Huish. Susah kan jadi mak? Jadi sila hargai ibu anda. Dan tadi jugak, sempat mengusha gambar kak S bertunang. Rasa macam ada rama rama dalam perut. Rasa macam nak jerit wah cantiknya kuat kuat and rasa cam nak cakap eee jelesnya. Motif? Heheh. So moral of the story is, semua dah besar panjang. Dah ada tanggungjawab masing masing. I hope everything about us won't change. How I wish adults don't have to create such barrier ya know. The barrier when they already have their own family and they seems to depart off from the big family. I hate that. Apa aku merepek ni? Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

Aku dan Lipas.

I had terrible night last night. Siangnya pon agak terible jugakla. Dengan suara garau and muka yang hitam, kepala pusing plus temperature of 38.5 I could barely move. Bedridden. Weehu. And what make it worse? LIPAS. Had 2 scenes with lipas. First was, I found a freaking damn dead cockroach in my mihun tomyam. Imagine: I was like hungry to death and the cafe took like ages to deliver my food. Bila dah sampai I just dug in the food without doing the routine check. Suapan ke dua, I felt something strange about the tomyam. Rasa macam pelik. But keeps on eating cos LAPAR. On my 3rd suapan, I saw something weird floating on the spoon and as I took closer look, I screamed like it was no tomorrow. ADAKAH AKU TELAH MEMAKAN TOMYAM PERASA LIPAS? Omjayyyy!!! Called the cafe and explained the situation to a worker. Dengan pelat indon and bahasa melayu yang kurang mantapnya itu, she kept on asking whether I still kept the lipas I found in her tomyam. Seriously I feel like shouting at her on her f...