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..the 4th year

We started our fourth year with registration. Of course. New sem means registration which also means college sedang mengepau duit students mahupun ibu bapa students. Payment should be done within a month katanya. Yes. Katanya. And this time around all of us gathered at main campus so we kind of managed to meet friends from different groups. Feels like years tak jumpa so bila dah berjumpa macam macam cerita terkeluar. Some stories were not so good to know, some were a must know and some were baik takpayah dengar atau nanti sakit jiwa. Hm.

First week was tiring as this brain of mine couldn't tolerate numbers that much. And the first week inilah segala biostatistical thingies were needed in order for us to do the proposal for our research. First week jugaklah kena baca journals and search for the literature reviews and stuffs. Man, I really don't favour reading journals. Sobs. Dah juling dah mata aku baca bendalah ni semua. Waktu waktu macam ni jugaklah bahan bacaan lain menggoda aku supaya membelai diorang. Haish. 


Currently I've been looking for this good book recommended by mama, How to be a Good Medical Student from Dr Muhaya. Dah 2 MPH aku pergi tapi tak jumpa. Hurr. Dah takde kat pasaran ke ape buku ni? 

Its been two years ady that Ramadhan waktu clinical years jatuh pada postings yang memerlukan kitorang siapkan research itu dan ini. Inilah yang dikatakan cabaran Ramadhan. Sobs. Cuma kali ni takdelah teruk sangat sebab kitorang tak perlu jalan keliling kampung untuk edarkan questionnaires. I thank you Allah for that. Tak sanggup dah. Sobs. 

And now I am contemplating on the place I should go for elective. Hurr. Sarawak? Indonesia? Thailand, eh? Ok tu je, assalamualaikum
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I wonder what had gotten into me before when I used to fight so strong just to be in this course. Babah agak tak suka saya amek course ni. Babah cakap, "You'll have no life." and "Once you step in that field, its equal to learn throughout ur whole life". Tapi saya yang dulu tak kesah ngan semua benda yang babah cakap. As long as he still supports me walaupun selalu cakap keburukan amek medic, I keep my head held high. Tak pandang belakang dah. I made my decision and that's it. No turning back. Tapi sekarang saya jadi keliru. Can I do this? Am I fit enough to be a good doctor? Can I diagnose correctly? Can I treat the patient the way I'm taught? Can I be like my lecturers who are super awesome? Can I? Bimbang. Keliru. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Rasa macam tak layak. Tengok semorang dah progress but me? Still kat takuk yang lama. Even worse, dah turun beberapa anak tangga.  I tried to talk to my close friends abut this. But no help at all....
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