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My baby

Started my maternity leave last few weeks. Tengah duk sibuk up entry kawen taun lepas and layan kan contractions yang mcm biskut chipsmore, akhirnya lahirlah our little bundle of joy, baby Z. 

Macam ni rupanya perasaan jadi ibu. Still adapting. 

One thing that is very challenging now is to stay bed ridden. Hari hari kena marah dengan mama sebab buat itu ini instead of baring. Well, I am active liddat mom, *flips hair, lol :P*. Tapi lepas dah buat keje tu memang sakit situ sini la pastu mengadu kat mama jugak haha. Nasib mama adalah nenek yang penyabar, kalau tak ade je yang kena hempuk dengan nenek moden itu. 

My dear baby Z, 
Ibu prays that you will be the reason for us to enter jannah. 
Jadi anak soleh, mulia akhlak, sempurna iman, berilmu dan yang paling penting, jadi manusia yang bertanggungjawab dan berani menegakkan kebenaran sesuai dengan nama yang ibu babah bagi untuk kamu. Ibu babah love you so very much, little sugar. 

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Saiko

I wonder what had gotten into me before when I used to fight so strong just to be in this course. Babah agak tak suka saya amek course ni. Babah cakap, "You'll have no life." and "Once you step in that field, its equal to learn throughout ur whole life". Tapi saya yang dulu tak kesah ngan semua benda yang babah cakap. As long as he still supports me walaupun selalu cakap keburukan amek medic, I keep my head held high. Tak pandang belakang dah. I made my decision and that's it. No turning back. Tapi sekarang saya jadi keliru. Can I do this? Am I fit enough to be a good doctor? Can I diagnose correctly? Can I treat the patient the way I'm taught? Can I be like my lecturers who are super awesome? Can I? Bimbang. Keliru. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Rasa macam tak layak. Tengok semorang dah progress but me? Still kat takuk yang lama. Even worse, dah turun beberapa anak tangga.  I tried to talk to my close friends abut this. But no help at all....
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I had terrible night last night. Siangnya pon agak terible jugakla. Dengan suara garau and muka yang hitam, kepala pusing plus temperature of 38.5 I could barely move. Bedridden. Weehu. And what make it worse? LIPAS. Had 2 scenes with lipas. First was, I found a freaking damn dead cockroach in my mihun tomyam. Imagine: I was like hungry to death and the cafe took like ages to deliver my food. Bila dah sampai I just dug in the food without doing the routine check. Suapan ke dua, I felt something strange about the tomyam. Rasa macam pelik. But keeps on eating cos LAPAR. On my 3rd suapan, I saw something weird floating on the spoon and as I took closer look, I screamed like it was no tomorrow. ADAKAH AKU TELAH MEMAKAN TOMYAM PERASA LIPAS? Omjayyyy!!! Called the cafe and explained the situation to a worker. Dengan pelat indon and bahasa melayu yang kurang mantapnya itu, she kept on asking whether I still kept the lipas I found in her tomyam. Seriously I feel like shouting at her on her f...
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