November 03, 2010

Letter to Feeyah.

Dear Feeyah,

I wish you are happy now, in heaven with your son. InsyaAllah. I miss you so much. Its been a while since my last post about you. Its not that I dont want to remember you but I'm strong enough to not let my feelings got swayed by your absence. Feeyah dear, I wish you are around to hug me. Give me warmth, because I really need that now. 

Feeyah, how I wish someone has good instinct like you did. You always know when and where to show up kan? Though I didn't tell you that I'm crying, in pain or in grief, you will always here, with me. Most of the time you'll just know without me telling you anything. Macam mana kau buat semua tu ek? Do you love me that much? I love you too sweetum. So much.

Feeyah, how can I make them understand my language like you did? How do you do it? Can you please show them how?  I wish I have you around. You always know what's in my mind, so I'm used to have someone who just tell me what I need to do without me explaining everything.

Feeyah, I'm tired of all this. Sometimes I pray hard that everything happened were just nightmares. I don't want to live in this nightmare anymore. Please bring me to life, real life. This is just too much its out of my control already. Ya Allah what do I do without feeyah. Help me please..

Feeyah, I'm sorry I hurted person you love most. I just find that too abnormal and I don't think I can smile again if I do things that I am strongly willed to not do. I'm so so sorry. 

Ya Allah, please let my feeyah appear in my dreams tonight. I just miss her so much my heart ache. How I wish babah is around.  

p/s: why do you do this to me? Is it fun to watch me like this? If it is, then keep it up, I'll endure it. It feels good when you're happy.


  1. You are strong my dear afi..
    Allah knows the best... :)

    moga2 dia dicucuri rahmat..

    you too.. smile ^_^

  2. Sorry for giving you hard times. I just...need you

  3. please stop whatever you're doing.


♥..Drop it..♥