Skip to main content

Letter to Feeyah.

Dear Feeyah,


I wish you are happy now, in heaven with your son. InsyaAllah. I miss you so much. Its been a while since my last post about you. Its not that I dont want to remember you but I'm strong enough to not let my feelings got swayed by your absence. Feeyah dear, I wish you are around to hug me. Give me warmth, because I really need that now. 


Feeyah, how I wish someone has good instinct like you did. You always know when and where to show up kan? Though I didn't tell you that I'm crying, in pain or in grief, you will always here, with me. Most of the time you'll just know without me telling you anything. Macam mana kau buat semua tu ek? Do you love me that much? I love you too sweetum. So much.


Feeyah, how can I make them understand my language like you did? How do you do it? Can you please show them how?  I wish I have you around. You always know what's in my mind, so I'm used to have someone who just tell me what I need to do without me explaining everything.


Feeyah, I'm tired of all this. Sometimes I pray hard that everything happened were just nightmares. I don't want to live in this nightmare anymore. Please bring me to life, real life. This is just too much its out of my control already. Ya Allah what do I do without feeyah. Help me please..


Feeyah, I'm sorry I hurted person you love most. I just find that too abnormal and I don't think I can smile again if I do things that I am strongly willed to not do. I'm so so sorry. 


Ya Allah, please let my feeyah appear in my dreams tonight. I just miss her so much my heart ache. How I wish babah is around.  


p/s: why do you do this to me? Is it fun to watch me like this? If it is, then keep it up, I'll endure it. It feels good when you're happy.

Comments

  1. You are strong my dear afi..
    Allah knows the best... :)

    moga2 dia dicucuri rahmat..
    amin..

    you too.. smile ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sorry for giving you hard times. I just...need you

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

♥..Share it..♥

Popular posts from this blog

Turning down the awaited offer

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Dengan izin Allah, aku ditawarkan kerja di tempat itu. Tapi dengan izin Allah juga, Allah buka hijab hijab yang terselindung. In the end, I turned down the job offer. Its ok, pat on my back; at least aku dapat pengalaman attending online interview dan juga pengalaman berurusan dengan HR. Jadi sekarang, aku kena atur strategi baru, dan aku cuba follow advice my best companion, slowly dan take one step in a time.  Entah kenapa perasaan lega bertandang sedangkan aku yang membenarkan diri sendiri terjebak. Haha. Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah. 

Kau nak tackle dia?

Stumbled upon this music video while I was surfing. The lyrics had me thinking hard, and deeepp. She wants someone perfect, but who is. Who is? Hm. Cuba untuk berfikir dari sudut yang berbeza. Aku perempuan, jadi sedikit sebanyak cara pemikiran aku akan sama dengan perempuan perempuan lain. Setahu aku, perempuan yang ordinary, please exclude the extraordinary takdelah demanding sangat nakkan lelaki yang semua stok perfect tip top je. Nobody's perfect, kami tahu! Semua orang mesti ada kekurangan dan kelebihan masing masing. That is why Allah cakap isteri pelengkap suami, adam pelengkap hawa. Bila single, no one is perfect tapi bila double, kesempurnaan itu insyaAllah dapat dicapai. Macam pakar motivasi plak rasenye bila bincangkan soal soal macamni hewhew. Berbalik pada isu tadi, sepanjang pemerhatian aku yang tak beberapa tajam ni, aku perasan perempuan ni mesti ada x-factor yang dia harapkan dari seorang lelaki. X-factor tu bertindak macam potion yang menutup sega

aku memang gedik!

Woha. I'm home and gosh super duper happy! Happier than pegi ice skating iteww. Puhleassse, 'itew'? WTH. Pi masuk tadika balik. Eja itu pon tak reti ke afi woi? Wakaka. Tadi waktu melangut dalam kereta segala macam jawapan soalan exam tetiba dengan sukarelanya mengeluarkan diri dari tempat persembunyian di antara celahan otak saya ini. Isk. Gedik mengada. Kenapa baru sekarang kau keluar? Pegila menyorok lagi!! Arghh. But on the bright side, at least I know that I KNOW what I am suppose to KNOW. So telan jela.  And you see while I was in the car, I signed in YM and guess what, terdapat seorang hamba Allah bernama M5 yang telah mencuba mengadd and menegur saya disitu. *sila maafkan ayat keling ini*. Our conversation went smooth pada permulaannya cos he acted like someone I know and we talked about something interesting which was good because I usually did that to confirm  the person adding me is a real HUMAN before I added him to my YM list.  But then he started to act wei