Past Tense

Apakan yang membuatkan anda lemas? Huh? Soalan ni tak cukup specific la. Lemas yang macam mana tu? Lemas dalam air, or lemas kat darat? Kalau lemas kat air for sure lah sebab saya tak beberapa pro berenang and kaki asik cramp kalau berendam dalam air lelama. Penyumbang kepada lemas dan seterusnya kalau pendek umur, meninggal. Kalau lemas di darat plak, saya sangat lah yang amat dan teramat lemas dengan orang yang suka merajuk. Asal ada benda tak kena je merajuk merajuk merajuk. I tell you what, I am so damn BAD dalam memujuk orang merajuk ni. Kekadang kalau orang yang saya sayang dengan melampau merajuk, I'll try to pujuk that person sekali dua. Tapi kalau dia buat bodoh, hah. Lantak kaulah. Tapi depends on situation gak. Kalau situasi tu logik ntuk dia merajuk, I'll be ok. Tapi kalau situasi tak masuk akal langsung ntuk merajuk, sukati kaula. Merajuk sorang sorang. Apakah yang membuatkan anda menyampah? Saya menyampah dengan manusia hipokrit. Depan pura pura baik tapi...

Kosong. Phew.  Don't tell me this is the symptom which indicates that I am missing the qwertyuikuytre. qwertyuytre, I don't miss you. Ok fine. I miss you. Oh.  Life without you sucks anyway. But living with you sucks too. Weehu. Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

*credit to flickr* Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

It's good to be home. Home sweet home. The very first thing yang saya buat bila dah sampai rumah ialah, BALIK KAMPUNG. Allah, I enjoy the time that I use to spend with my family damn much. Thank you for the joy and happiness you grant us everyday in each second of our life, ya Allah. Alhamdulillah.  ibu kepada lima. gedik dan mengada. arash dan topeng hantu beliau. er oman copying someone's face. haha pura pura nangis. Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

He said I've changed. A lot. I don't know how to react back then but now I think I know. In some ways the changes I made improve my life. But in some other ways, they just suck the happiness out. But still, I keep on changing because I love myself now more than I did before. I know what I'm doing. Its ok for you to be concern and I'm happy you did show your concern towards me but your words won't stop me from doing what I want and what I like to do with my life. Thanks for the advices anyway.  And I really don't want to give you the lame excuses and answers that most people use to give to someone who ever say that they have change.  "I change for good" "People change"  and bla bla bla. All I want to say is, this is me. Like it or not, THIS IS ME. If being myself makes me lose you, I think I can handle that and I am totally fine with it. Its not because I hate you or what not, its just that I want to live my life for me, not for someone els...

Wahai lipas. Kenapalah kau selalu mengganggu hidup aku? Pergilah menjauh tolonglah menjauh. TOLONGLAH faham aku tak suka kau. BODOH. Tak cukup dengan makanan aku kau kacau aku kat toilet. Nasib baik tak patah riuk tulang aku. Kalau patah kau nak gantikan ke hah lipas?? Kau nak gantikan dengan apa? Tulang kau? Tolonglah jangan merepek wahai lipas. Tolonglah.  Aku taula kau hebat. Bajet superman terbang terbang segala tapi tak payahlah kau pergi pijak kepala aku. Berani kau! Dengan kaki yang enam yang dipenuhi bulu, kurang ajar punya lipas. KURANG AJAR! Matilah kau dengan aman. Sakit kerongkong aku jerit jerit semata mata nak bunuh kau yang satu. Kau tau tak kau bebal wahai lipas? Satu tin ridsect ke hape benda ntah nama bendalah tu tak cukup nak matikan kau. Dasar bebal.  Tologlah faham wahai lipas, aku sangat tak suka dengan kau. Pegi cakap kat keturunan kau, SILA JANGAN DEKAT DENGAN AKU. faham? I wish lipas mati tu boleh baca ini. Wuarghh! Allah, berikan ilham kepada pe...

appreciate today, as today is a present. appreciate today. utilize the present, because it will eventually be the past. the past, that you regret,  you will never get it back. Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

Hey you!! Don't cry when you are mad! Just scream!!  I'm busted. My secret place was found by someone. Sheesh.  I need to get out from medical world for a moment. Its very frustrating learning something and exploring diseases and meeting people who are SICK! Its not that I don't want to try and try and try to help them but I just can't help it!! I am SICK of this. Sick of this!! Especially when you know there's no cure for the disease and you have already develop bonds with patients who have it. Wuargh! Its very depressing. Seriously.  Who said it's fun to be a doctor? For me its not. Fun ke bekerja dengan orang sakit?? Fun ke tengok orang sakit hari hari? Fun ke? Cuba bagitau? Tapi that's the beauty of medicine. So conclusionnya, SAKIT is art.  Apa aku merepek ni? Hentah, aku pon taktau.  This is certainly no fun.       Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

I had terrible night last night. Siangnya pon agak terible jugakla. Dengan suara garau and muka yang hitam, kepala pusing plus temperature of 38.5 I could barely move. Bedridden. Weehu. And what make it worse? LIPAS. Had 2 scenes with lipas. First was, I found a freaking damn dead cockroach in my mihun tomyam. Imagine: I was like hungry to death and the cafe took like ages to deliver my food. Bila dah sampai I just dug in the food without doing the routine check. Suapan ke dua, I felt something strange about the tomyam. Rasa macam pelik. But keeps on eating cos LAPAR. On my 3rd suapan, I saw something weird floating on the spoon and as I took closer look, I screamed like it was no tomorrow. ADAKAH AKU TELAH MEMAKAN TOMYAM PERASA LIPAS? Omjayyyy!!! Called the cafe and explained the situation to a worker. Dengan pelat indon and bahasa melayu yang kurang mantapnya itu, she kept on asking whether I still kept the lipas I found in her tomyam. Seriously I feel like shouting at her on her f...

Cuaca panas.  Muka panas. Hati pon panas. Panas panas panas. And this sunburn I get realllyyyy buat hati bertambah tambah dabel triple panas. Not that kinda panas you know, tapi panas as in panas. Feels like swimming in a pool full of ice! Panas! Thank you friends for helping me out. I don't know what would I do without your help and support. Now you see the ugly part of me. HAHA. Sila jangan lariii! And most importantly, I LOVE you guys, forever.  p/s: baru hari ni aku betul betul faham macam mana nak main galah panjang. Whatever it is, thanks thanks thanks thanks to you all. Sesungguhnya aku insan biasa tapi dengan adanya korang, aku mampu menjadi sedikit 'buang tebiat'. Weehu.  Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

I know it looks kinda messy; it only took me less 20 mins to make this video and hope you guys like it. ^^ Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

I miss my old self. I think I'm getting senile day by day. Kekadang spect sendiri pon lupa kat mana. That's not normal. I'm just 21 dammit, kenapa pelupa sangat??  And as I'm getting older and older and older, I have this feelings you know. The feelings of loneliness. The feelings of not being able to do things that I really want to do. Is that normal? Why am I being rebellious to my own self? kekadang rasa macam nak gila. Sengal. Ok stop acting bitchy and do stop all the whining.  tu je, assalamualaikum

Best friends listen to what you don't say, Being with you when you need them to stay, Cheer you up night and day, And most importantly, never go away.

Haa..inilah dia sebabnya. Inilah dia. Kan saya dah cakap, jaga jaga, berpada pada, tapi awak buat jugak. Tengok sekarang apa dah jadi? Bukan niat dihati nak condemnkan awak ke whatever tapi inilah dia. Sebab inilah saya selalu ingatkan awak. Selalu pesan, selalu cakap tapi awak taknak dengar. Awak tolak nasihat saya jauh jauh. Cakap saya paranoid. Tapi bila dah jadi macam ni, paranoidkah saya? Atau, sengalkah awak sebab tak ikut nasihat saya? Perempuan. Tolonglah jangan percaya sangat kat lelaki. Tolonglah please please please. Kalau dia dah betul betul jadi SUAMI awak barulah awak boleh letakkan 100% ke 200% ke 300% percaya awak kat dia, takde siapa kesah. Tapi disebabkan dia bukan suami tu yang saya kesah. Lelaki is lelaki. Lelaki biasa macam tulaa. Macam lelaki yang buat awak merana tu. Haa.. macam tulaa lelaki biasa. Lelaki luar biasa spesis rare ni yang susah nak jumpa. Dah kata rare kan, mestilah susah. Ish. Ok. Shush afi jangan menambah kesakitan hati kawan itu. Listen dear, l...

Semalam afi tidur awal. Dah pening sangat baca tutorial website. Afi bukan orang seni, tak reti la nak create create website ni! Ok takde kaitan, I know.. And right now dah pukul 3 pagi. Terbangun sebab dah cukup quota tidur. Walaupun tidur awal otak sangat penat sebab tadi waktu tidur mimpi benda merepek repek. Ini semua salah trailerr Khurafat. Sumpah scary duh movie tu. Itu baru tengok trailer, dah termimpi mimpi benda yang bukan bukan, cuba afi tengok cite tu mau tak tidur berhari-hari. SCARY. Actually afi yang dulu bukan sepenakut ini. Yelaa budak asrama kan, memangla agak tough kalau hal hal seram. Cerita seram ni boleh dicompile and jadi sebijik buku tebal. Asal ada waktu free je gossip gossip. Pasal apa? Pasal h****. Wekeke. Teringat dulu waktu mula-mula masuk asrama, semorang pergi toilet memalam berdua. Tapi afi dengan selamba-gedik-tak-tahu-apa-apa terbangun tengahtengah malam bladder minta dikosongkan, pergi toilet sensorang. Nasib baik sepanjang masa kebodohan tu takde t...

Di pagi hari Thaipusam, Inginku bermalas malasan, Inginku bertidur tiduran, Inginku menghabiskan sisa makanan, Inginku menjahit kain yang terkoyak semalam. Namun apakan daya, Meeting datang bertimpa timpa, Module physiology banyak yang belum dibaca. Oh bukan satu atau dua,  Tapi LIMA. Dengan ketebalan berhasta hasta, entah aku boleh melihat lagi esok lusa. -anak didik A.Samad Said- Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

People are getting more and more stupid these days. I don't know whether they ever use their neurons to think. Jual bayi? Does that makes any sense? People, that babies are not some stationary things that you can easily trade with money..! This is human's life we talk about. Nyawa takkan sesekali boleh dibayar dengan duit! NO, NEVER! Tapi bila difikir fikirkan balik, those women yang pegi jual bayi dalam kandungan tu adalah perempuan perempuan yang desperate. More likely bayi bayi tu semua anak luar nikah. So in some ways it's better for the inhumane mother to just sell them daripada membuang mereka kat tempat tempat merepek contohnya tongsampah dan macam macam lagi. Not that I support them, but at least the babies get to live and at the very least parents who 'buy' them will actually love them more than the biological mother did. Parents that buy them? That sounds so not right. Haih. Sedihlah dengan perkembangan akal manusia manusia sekarang. They are plain stupi...

Visit their Blog! these people suruh afi sorta 'cantikkan' blog tu.  Cantikkan? Narrow that down dears, cantikkan ada banyakkkkkk maksud.  Enjoy reading and jangan lupa kutuk blog dorang tu.  Paed and Ickr? Hummmph. Haha. Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

This photo really made my day! He's superrr cute. *credit to matthew from flickr* Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

kawan: you look fat saya: I don't care kawan: you are short, and uhm uhm, short... and fat. that's not good. saya: I don't even care if I look fat. So why do you? *hati mendidih* kawan: because you are my friend. and I am supposed to tell you to look pretty and dear hear me please, start DIETING. Your weight is not proportional to your height saya: I don't do diet. In fact my BMI is OK. kawan: well, as you say. but if you don't change it then you won't be pretty, FOREVER. WOUNDED. p/s: Its OK if I'm far from pretty and I don't really care about my weight. Just please don't ridicule my height, I can't tolerate that one. Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

Harini macam biasa. Had conversations with beloved friends. Our new rule is once in a week mesti berkumpul. Haha. New year, new rule. Well done anon, I think that new rule or regulation berjaya buat kita lagi rapat and sorta spend more time together. Like always, they asked me about my personal life and bla bla bla. Soalan sama kan? Bosan kan? But this time ada kelainan.  Anon: fatin, aku rasa kan aku tau hala tuju hidup kau.   *eceh, hala tuju takleh blah, kuikuikui* saya: apedia? Anon: nanti bila kau dah jadi doktor and still single, kau mesti punya la jatuh cinta kat salah sorang pesakit kau saya: wow, imagination kau sangat lah tinggi wahai anon anon: eh dengarla dulu. That's not it. Mestila complicated takkanla senang macam tu je saya: ok ok. taip cepat anon: patient kau sakit. And kalau tak silap waktu aku fikir haritu dia ada terminal illness. Patient kau ni tak pernah bercinta. So dia pon macam depressed ar. Dia suka kat kau seposen dua, tapi tak cukup suka nak jadika...

Makcik: what did you use for skin care? saya: err. pencuci muka? makcik: that's all? saya: I guess so. Er wait, I have been using this cream X since few months back. its for my dry skin makcik: what about toner? moisturizer? sunblock? compact powder? *she did mentioned some other bizarre words and they are too weird I barely remember*  saya: errr. makcik: give me ur handbag saya: why?  makcik: just give me la. I want to check what's inside it after few minutes makcik: is this all you got in ur handbag? what are you? a guy? saya: eh?? makcik: you don't even have basic things for women in ur handbag saya: I got my handphone, mp3, purse, a pen, some paper, hand sanitizer, keys. what more do I need to stuff in that? makcik: I told you, BASIC THINGS. saya: ok. like what? makcik: LIP GLOSS, or LIP BALM, COMPACT POWDER, PERFUME, TISSUE. See you don't even have tissue in ur handbag my goodness fatin, what are you??   =.=" do I really need those so called basic things S...

Just another shitty day.  -now I know what I am to you. Tak berharga langsung kan? Senang dicampak, dibuang, disisihkan sesuka hati. Takpelah. Buatlah apa saja asalkan kamu bahagia. -please don't hate me or else I'll quit. -hope tomorrow will be better. oh. today is not that shitty. found some bright light. hope will meet that bright light again in the future.  Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

PENAT. MALAS.  oleh itu saya isytiharkan perang bermula besok pada jam 8.00 pagi.  akan kukeluarkan segala senjata, bom, nuklear ntuk mengebom kertas jawapan itu.  Doakan saya berjaya.  Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

Kawan: kau dengar tak lagu taylor swift *sebuttajuklagutapitaksempattangkaptajUklaguapa* saya: tak suka taylor swift. Lagu dia semua pasal love story yang macam fairy tales. Kawan: kau apesal? saya: apesal kenapa? Kawan: pelik la. dah macam anti love pon ade. saya: apesal kau cakap macam tu? Kawan: yela, haritu komplen "eh cite korea ni takde ke yang bukan pasal love?", pastu kau cakap "eh lagu melayu ni takde ke kalau bukan pasal cinta?", lagi "eh cerpen online ni takde ke kalau bukan pasal cinta?". And last yang aku paling ingat, "eh dalam sehari takboleh ke kalau korang tak cakap pasal pakwe?". Kau dah kronik ni fatin. Pergila jumpa lecturer kau yang psychiatrist tu. Saya: Ala tu mulut je cakap, aku normal la. Kawan: yeke? Aku ada bukti kukuh ntuk support teori aku Saya: apedia? Kawan: kau single  Saya: so? Kawan: dey thambi, kalau kat US umur 21 still single kau da kena cop macam macam tau!  saya: pedulik hape. itu kat US la. Ini malaysia. Ka...

Some part of the day I kept embarrassing myself. Some part of the day I kept sending messages to false person. *only God knows why* Some part of the day I kept thinking of the bad part of the day. Some part of the day I pray that I don't have to encounter such day ever again. But there's some part of the day which was filled with sate. And that part, is the best part of the day. Ok tu je, assalamualaikum

Saya selekeh.  Saya gemuk. Saya kurang tinggi. Saya tak cantik. Saya tak pandai. Saya tak kaya. Ilmu agama kurang. Saya tak pandai bergaya. Saya outdated. Saya kuat makan. Harap kamu tahu. Kamu tak selekeh tapi kamu kurang kemas. Kamu kuat makan tapi kamu bukan gemuk. Kamu kurang tinggi tapi kamu tak rendah. Kamu bukan genius tapi kamu pandai. Kamu bukan jutawan tapi kamu murah senyuman. Kamu bukan alim tapi kamu tahu hukum hakam. Kamu tak bergaya tapi kamu tahu fashion. Kamu tak uptodate tapi kamu bukan outdated. ..dan saya tahu itu. Ok tu je, assalamualaikum